The Coldness of the Stars
by noreek101
Summary: Because sometimes, it's just too exhausting to keep on living. Sometimes, people can't be bothered not to die. And Kei is so very tired. (One-shot. Depression. Nothing too scary.)


"Please, you have to help us! She'll die if you don't!"

Words. Endless words, streaming out of the man's mouth like rain falling down. Pitter patter, and that's all Kei can hear.

"Everyone dies," he says. "It's just a matter of when."

"But she doesn't have to die _tonight_ ," the man whispers, his voice cracking.

Kei smiles. Such a simple thing: a turn of the lips, a light of the eyes. Except there is no light in his eyes. They might as well be dead, blank as they are.

"Doesn't she?"

"You can help her! I've seen it before! You -"

Kei turns around. Every movement is slow, deliberate, smooth. He lets his gaze rest on the man. Doesn't glare, doesn't glower. Rests.

Tears track a trail down the man's hollow cheeks. Another one of the riff-raff of the streets. Kei can't even remember his name.

"I can. But I won't."

The despair on the man's face is almost . . . a vindication.

"This isn't fair!"

"I think you'll find that life rarely is."

.

.

.

.

"You're horrible," Kageyama observes off-handedly.

Kei sneers. "I didn't ask for your opinion, _King_."

Kageyama doesn't even flinch. He has changed, Kei supposes. He used to go off at the smallest things; and here he is, his eyes not flashing the slightest as Kei uses that title.

"I thought we were long past that," Kageyama says blandly.

"You think a lot of things. Not all of them are true."

Kei sinks into his bed, and Kageyama sits beside him. His hands fiddle with the edge of the velvet coverlet.

"Tsukishima."

Kei doesn't answer; he just stares at the ceiling.

" Kei ."

Kei sighs. "Since when did I give you permission to call me by my given name?"

"Since the day you went insane."

No . . . that's not quite right. . . . Kei can remember a day where there was no war, there was no bloody politics, and there was no responsibilities. It was just he and Kageyama, young and oblivious to the surrounding chaos. Kageyama had not been 'King'; Kei had not been 'Mage.' They had been . . . themselves.

"There's a few things wrong with that memory," Kageyama notes.

"Get out of my head. Just because we have a bond doesn't mean you can go rooting around whenever you w -"

"I wasn't Kageyama, either. I was Tobio."

.

.

.

.

"Tsukishima, you can't stay like this."

Weightless.

"Tsukishima."

All Mages need an anchor. Without one, they drift away.

" _Tsukishima_."

There's nothing to anchor him.

"Tsukishima, please."

He will drift up to the stars, up to the cold, brilliant beauty of their existence.

"Tsukishima!"

Funny. He never once noticed before how easy it is for Sawamura to break.

.

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.

.

More people stop by. Some plead with him to come back. Others beg for help. Why do they go to him when they know that he won't do anything? When they know that their pleas will fall on deaf ears?

"Because they have no choice," Kageyama snaps.

"There's always a choice. Isn't that what you kept hammering into my head when I first began training?"

"They need you."

"They can find someone else."

"Stop being such an idiot."

Kei laughs. He just laughs and laughs and laughs, this empty, hollow sound that rattles in his throat. "I am many things, Your Majesty. An idiot is not one of them."

Kageyama glares at him. "You're a selfish bastard, then."

"We all go insane in the end. Don't you know that? Of course you do. You knew when it first started, didn't you? The dreams and the visions and the power . . . you knew. You didn't say anything, though. You just . . ." Kei flaps a hand in Kageyama's general direction. He can't bring himself to look at the King's blue eyes that were no doubt ice-cold. ". . . let. It. Happen."

"I thought you would be different!" Kageyama screams.

Ah, here it is. His Majesty's infamous temper breaking through.

"I thought that you would be able to control it. I thought" - and Kageyama's voice dies down to the barest of whispers - "you would be smart enough to anchor yourself before -"

Kei looks at him.

"You fool. _You_ were my anchor."

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.

.

"Tsukki. Hey. How've you been? Daichi-san and Suga-san say that you're probably not gonna get better." Yamaguchi is close nearly nose-to-nose with Kei, his usually wide eyes narrowed. "Prove them wrong, yeah? Hinata and Kuroo and Bokuto still haven't done their master prank. You don't want them to come nagging you, d'you?"

Yamaguchi's breath hitched.

"Tsukki, come on . I know you're in there. Wake up. WAKE UP!"

 _I don't want to. . . ._

"Wake up, you selfish bastard!" Funny, the insult Yamaguchi used is the same as Kageyama's. "We need you. _I_ need you."

 _Go away._

"Tsukki, don't do this to yourself."

 _Why not?_

"If you - if you stay like this, if you don't try to fight, your magic will corrode your brain. You'll die ."

Everyone dies. The second you are born, you are dying. Every breath, every second, you are brought closer and closer to . . .

What was death, anyway?

In any case, why not? Why not die? Why not just . . . let go?

What makes Kei different? Why can't he just let go; why does Yamaguchi have to try and stop -

"TSUKKI, PLEASE!"

They all say the same thing, don't they? To be truthful, it's getting rather . . . old.

.

.

.

.

"You realize that I'm not real," Kageyama says, his words closer to an order than a question.

"Of course I do. It's the residue of our bond. Master and apprentice. King and Mage. And it's only strengthened by the anchor."

"So why do you -"

Kei sighs. "Because it's all I have left. Grant me this one pleasure before my magic goes on complete overload."

"But you don't have to die. You can wake up."

It's not really dream, and they both know it. In the real world, Kei's eyes are probably wide open, staring at something,someone , who isn't there. It's an . . . absence. A closing of one's self off from reality.

". . . I don't want to."

Kageyama snorts. "You've always been lazy. Slacking off and all that. You have duties."

"And so what? Why should I care?"

"You have -"

"Oh, yes, power," Kei snarls. "I have _power_. Well, that's bloody brilliant for them, isn't it? Convenient and wonderful for all those _leeches_. But when something is important to me, it doesn't do any good, does it? When I want for once in my life to use my magic for something I want, for something I need, then it's not there. Why can't -" His vision blurs, his fist curling at his side. "Why can't I be selfish for once? For once in my life, why can't I use for something that matters to _me_?"

Kageyama shrugs. "Life. Isn't. Fair."

Kei's own words, flung back into his face.

And Kei needs to know; he needs -

His hands gently run through Kageyama's hair. Kageyama's fingers enclose around his.

"I couldn't save you. Why should I save anyone else?"

 _Why should I save myself?_

"Because I'm not the only one who cares for you."

"But if I leave you'll -"

"Everyone dies."

Kei inhales a shaky breath. "Stop doing that."

Kageyama's eyes glint. "Stop doing what?"

Kei doesn't answer, just keeps sliding his fingers through Kageyama's silky black strands.

"It's time," Tobio says.

"Time for _what_?"

"Time for you to let me go."

.

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.

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"Hinata and Oikawa got into a fight. Not sure what it was about, but boy, did they screech. It's funny; they're really alike. Well, Oikawa flirts more, but you know what I mean."

Yamaguchi again. His visits are always nice. Albeit, the most annoying ones, but still. . . .

"Tsukki, come on. I know you're in there some -"

"Sh . . ."

Yamaguchi straightens, his cheeks paling.

Kei opens his eyes, truly _opens_ them from the lifeless glare.

"Shut . . . up . . . Yamaguchi," he whispers, the words thick on his tongue from so much disuse.

Yamaguchi stifles a sob and flings his arms around Kei's neck.


End file.
